in·de·pend·ent

/ˌindəˈpendənt/

adjective

1. free from outside control; not depending on another's authority or influence
2. unconventional; maverick; liberated

I am well aware of our country’s annual revelry centered around celebrating an underdog, if you will, standing up to a giant and winning its freedom. It’s how this country came into being and is an incredible truth of remarkable global proportions of ordinary men coming together. The members of thirteen separate colonies mobilized around a hope and amassed their personal and collective power to achieve something unthinkable. It took confidence, self-esteem, motivation and perseverance, didn’t it? It certainly speaks to the truth that you can absolutely do anything you put your mind to.

All of us who inherited the efforts of those men, those of us here in America and in many other nations around the world, understand the value of their effort to gain independence. It has fostered an ability to be self-reliant, self-sufficient, to be able to do what we feel is necessary to create a fulfilling life… to discover success for ourselves and our families. But, how? How is it possible to harness this quality, to become independent? Is it something you’re born with? Is it a skill you can develop? If you have small amounts of it, can you get more? What I know for sure is there are five attributes of a person’s character that make up true independence, fulfilling liberation, for me. I’ll share what I’ve found this genuinely looks like.

Independence is knowing you have what it takes to make it through…

There’s hope. Belief. And there’s a knowing that’s beyond all you could ever accept as true for yourself. You don’t gotta know what or when or even how… but you must have a deep-seated awareness, perception, understanding or discernment that goes beyond anything you can explain.

People talk a lot about believing so strong, having an unshakeable hope, and stepping into your faith. I’m referring to all of this! My knowing combines every one of these elements with the vitality of my positive emotion and gives me a force beyond anything I could possibly explain here. What I can say is that it catapults me, literally, into everything I hold true in the moment. Everything.

• You know you are able to do what must be done.
• You know you will get through.
• You know you have everything it takes… somehow.

Independence is holding your support system in the highest regard, while understanding having that system could never detract from your abilities one bit…

You know the value of those who are there for you, whether it’s a bestie, family member, therapist, psychiatrist, spouse, sponsor... This system is there to help build you up, keep you on your upward forward path, and hold your feet to the fire if when things get rough. You know that you know what’s best [and no one knows that better than you]… but sometimes, okay, a whole lot of times, that support system gives amazing help. Leaning into it can only give you fuel.

Independence is seeing the power of letting things GO so you move on…

Oh boy. In my life, I have had to let gooo a lot… What I’ve found is that independence is all about letting go! Letting go helps boost your ability to think for yourself, to make your own choices and do what you want. Letting go frees you to fully energize your becoming! You can take care of your own needs, without relying on others. You develop your own safety net and build trust and reliability in your own abilities. You respect your Self <c’mon, somebody>! And know you are strong.

• Let go of the overwhelming emotional burdens of past mistakes, failures and troubles. Okay, you did it. It is never too late to start over. Accept what you can never change and use it as fuel to begin again, powerfully.
• Let go of negative stimulating memories and mental thoughts. These plague you and rob you from peace and joy in the present moment. They even sap energy from the next moment. Create empowering self-talk that stimulates more positive thoughts, emotions and actions.
• Let go of people who hurt you in the past and who continue to hurt you in your present. Letting go means removing your physical presence and honoring yourself by not looking back. Conduct inventory on where the hurt resides, with regard to being in the person’s presence. Acknowledge the existence of the hurt. Don’t deny it. Then honor yourself by refusing to enter this situation ever again in the future.
• Let go of the anger, grudges, the need for revenge… This doesn’t serve the incredible person you are becoming. Let.It.Goooo. I don’t care what it is, and trust that I am speaking from experience – as someone who was cheated on many times; someone who was stolen from; someone who lost everything I ever hoped for, someone who failedddddd tragically. I realized after holding onto the ugliest emotions that I was only hurting myself. I had to solicit the help of a therapist – and it took many months- but I did it. I was finally able to let it all go. And my life is incredible.

Independence is acknowledging your weaknesses along with your strengths…

I know the current trend is to solely focus on your area(s) of strength. It’s as if we’re all wanting to be superwomen (or supermen). Lol! Focusing on your best, however, leaves the rest of you in atrophy. I firmly believe in the concept of regenerative living, where continually developing your inner strength, self-awareness, and resilience gives way to a more sustaining and thriving person, family unit and society. This means harnessing creativity in ways that empower you, honor you and drive the success of everything you desire for yourself, your family, your career and your community.

So acknowledge your weaknesses. Assess them to better understand where they show up, why and how. Gain an understanding of how they can be strengthened. If you do not understand where you are weak, how will you possibly be able to improve? If you do not know what makes you strong, it may be difficult to use your power effectively.

The process of discovering possible weaknesses is a fabulous thing! I always say, the goal of your journey on Earth is to learn everything there is to know about yourself and to use what you learn for the adding, increasing, growth and benefit of yourself, your family and your world. Leaning into growth areas allows you to one day be the epitome of everything you could ever hope. You will no longer be vulnerable or susceptible in “weak” areas but resilient and strong.

Independence is discovering new, enriching experiences that enable growth.

When you open yourself up to be willing to have new encounters in life, you can engage in ways that solidify your learning, your failures, your comprehension, your growth. I know the word failure throws a wrench in the happy place for many people, but failure is necessary for growth… Let me say that again, failure is absolutely necessary for growth. When you fail and fully allow it to teach and mold you, you have the greatest potential to become he best version of yourself. That version is quintessence, something I wholeheartedly believe that every person on Earth has the capability to develop.

Allow failure to catapult you into quintessence!

• You tend to not make the same mistakes when you fail big. You will look at the fiasco and reflect on what happened, what went wrong, how other actions could have brought about different consequences, etc. This helps you to be more wise, emotionally intelligent, more positive, more resourceful so you bring about the outcomes you hope for.
• You develop patience, gratitude and other “higher” level characteristics needed to operate as a powerful decisionmaker. These aren’t attributes that you naturally have in abundant supply. It’s failing and experiencing other adverse circumstances that you can allow to move you into achieving traits we see in phenomenal leaders throughout our historical reference. You can clearly see life in a more positive way and now appreciate “little” things. Traits, such as decisiveness, being proactive, as well as the ones mentioned.
• You can shift to allow the power of perspective to shape how you choose to see life, circumstances, people, potential threats, etc. You control your emotions, fears, plaguing memories and whatever rises to be sure you assess things in the moment before you -before- taking action.
• You understand the power of focus. You know while it’s not possible to do everything perfectly and that there are matters that are completely out of your control, you can feel good about doing your very best. So that’s where you choose to concentrate your efforts and abilities… doing the best you are able to do, in the moment before you.

True independence is a beautiful place to arrive into. After enduring a journey through some things... It’s knowing what you want and being willing to go after it with everything in you. It’s having strength in your healthy convictions and not backing down because they don’t align with other people. It’s leaning into a wonderful support system that you know has your back- no matter what. It’s about trusting yourself and not needing anyone else to approve what you think, say, feel or do… It’s confidently taking the action you feel is necessary on the issues that matter to you. It’s speaking out even when you’re going against the grain.

Yes, independence is a whole thing in America that is celebrated from sea to shining sea… but it’s so much more than something won over two hundred fifty years ago. It’s a state of mind. A commitment to bring your highest best and honor your becoming. And should be celebrated every single day.

In Quintessence...